At the Confusing decade that is the 20s, where all life has to offer is nothing but a cataclysmic blend of novel sensations, societal absurdities and self-cluelessness topped with some extra whipped generous serving of unnecessary outrageous opinions I often get asked the one question about love, relationships and marriage.
This question – let me share a secret, is asked in all forms, sizes and colours.
‘When will you be giving us good news?’ -like getting an education, establishing a career, or fulfilling responsibilities was no good news at all.
‘Have you never in your entire life had a boyfriend? For real?’ -Well yes adorable human being, who this does not concern at all, I was too busy caring about the pre-emptive questions people like you might have to raise about my sharafat, which obviously is as we all know dictated by a new set of rules and constraints every day.
‘Beta have you tried this fairness cream, have you tried losing some weight?’ – well yes aunty about that, I am a confident curvy brown girl, a wholesome caring individual and a resilient survivor but if your son will be choosing his life partner based on the colour of her skin, the number on the scale or better yet the length and thickness of her hair in place of a good moral compass, the ability to use a brain, or be a respectful and empathetic support system; well why didn’t you say anything 10 years ago when my tribe started creating of me a strong independent individual who can take on this world and still survive?
‘What are your future plans? Do you like someone’ – Hello, guy who kind of likes me (how on earth can I forget you, maybe I kind of like you too.) Your questions amuse me the most, for I know that you are stuck between what you think your mother has chosen for you, your emotional ability and permission granted to you to like someone or choose someone for yourself and what society has to say of me.
If you give it a thought, truth is, my existence got lost in your inherent belief system and the unexplainable attraction you ever for once felt towards me. So stop worrying yourself about my future or whether or not I like someone because even if I liked you a little bit due to your charming presence or sense of humour, your not-so-subtle innocent ways of trying to find out whether I like you back, made me realize that It might not be the case at all. Because despite knowing me, you cared more of what others might have to say of your feelings or choices.
‘Give it time, love will come at the right time and find you.’ – Cute friend overly influenced by Bollywood’s portrayal of what a modern day relationship can be, look around you, you live in a society that has forever been hypocritical on the subject, and this hypocrisy is bound to seep through to any form or semblance of love your relationship might take on. Marriage, affair, casual relationship, commitment; who really decides.
Despite this flood of concerns and opinions, I am happy to announce that the modern day confused desi girl, has still not lost hope, in fact I have come to realize with time, that love, whatever that might be is only part of the package, with it needs to come respect, empathy, support and the ability to take on responsibility.
Love for all I know, is no magical delusion, but team effort.
To the person (we are praying exists) who has lost track of time and route. Don’t worry, something, somewhere will inspire you to find your way back to me and vice versa. Give it time. Because frankly, m’love that’s all you can do.